The bloom in my heart
Withering in the ice.
My frozen, beating organ
Has no warmth for the nice.
My meaningless life
My rotting flesh
My corroding heart, still beating
My crimson blood seeps
My wound is only skin deep
Yet my heart weeps.
What a life I have lived,
So sad, so dear, and
So plain.
Making this blog and other blogs have helped me to express my feelings. With these words I can get my feelings out into the open and let the wound get air so one day it will heal. If I keep it hidden, it would take longer to heal. Everything I have experienced is neither good nor bad but it has hurt me. I don't know what good or bad even is because they are words and they hold many different meanings but I know that when I am in a relationship with someone across the world, I feel that it is nice and we could take it sloe but there is a loneliness that comes at a price. My Ex cheated on me while we were hundreds of miles apart and it hurt me so it ended.
I have read other blogs and they seem to find the same comfort that I feel when I publish my feelings for people to read. I think that this blogging mechanism is really handy and lifesaving to me.
So, whomever is reading these posts, I am just going to keep on writing and expressing who I am.
Everyting I try to be is fake. Fake smiles. Fake laughs. Fake interest. Fake. I am tired of the fake life I lead because of others.
I have faked who I am since I was in 7th grade wgen I cut my hair and dyed it pink so that those bullies wouldnt mess with me and people would notice me. But this wasnt the way I wanted to be noticed. I hated that I cut off all the hair I nourished for years and feared to lose. I hated everything I knew I was going to become. FAKE. I was becoming a product of interest for a short while. I became a fake. It felt horrible. Never being who I really was. Different. I hated it. So I broke free from it. I wore what I wanted. Dyed my hair the color I wanted it. Said what I thought (not how I feel).
Yeah, I was still scared by girls and boys who could think that they were actually happy with their life.
Yeah, I didn't express how and what I wanted to do.
BUT I did become more honest with myself.
