Long lost. Never found.

I have lost many things since I was born. And you have too. I keep losing whats precious to me. I lose almost everything I love. I write letter to lose my love for people I feel for. I hide my feelings in letters. I kill my feelings and lost myself in the process.
I lost my sense of sexuality at 9. I lost it when I fell in love with a girl at a sleepover and she proposed adult acts that happen between 2 girls. I was afraid because she was 14 and I was 9. I was thoroughly hurt by her. That night we didn't go far but after that I never saw her again and changed my preferences to girls.
After that was when the bullying began. I was left by every friend I ever had. I was beaten up by boys that bullied me. After that I left school and my mother she home-schooled me. Though it made no difference I would have to be put back a grade to avoid contact from those hateful boys. But none of it helped. I was bullied once again by people in class. They had no no heart. They tripped me at lunch. They said things about me. They did everything that hurts me today.
I was a loner for 6 years. I thought about committing suicide but I am surprisingly still here today. I tried my best to avoid situation like that. I cut off the hair I loved. And dyed the color of my hair that I loved. I wanted to start new so in 7th grade I got a haircut and it hurt my heart to see the hair that I cherished for 13 years was on the floor. And my hair was only a inch from my head. I dyed the color of my hair to pink. I had to. Everyone loves pink so the color I so loved was colored with ugly desire to be normal.